Conversations with Paris

Here are two conversations I had with Paris in the last 24hrs. It really is a wonder that I'm not in the looney bin.

Friday evening on the way home after dropping off the littles at a Halloween party that Paris couldn't attend because she was sick:

P: Mom, do you ever wish that Noggin was never created?
M: No.
P: Well I do, all the time.
M: Paris I know that the shows on Noggin/NickJr are too young for you and that you don't like them, but you don't have to watch them if they irritate you.
P: YES I DO!! Those littles get to watch it every single day so I have to see it.
M: If it bothers you so much you have the choice to leave and do something else. You can always go play in your room.
P: MOMMY! Drawing in my room gets boring. Actually everything in my room gets boring, and I just..........
M: OK, Paris, I'm not going to listen to you whine and complain about this. You can watch their shows or you can leave the room. End of discussion.
P: Mommy, now you are irritating me.

and here comes my fatal misstep - born simply out of exhaustion and weakness after a week of being puny along side P.

M: Paris, sometimes it seems like everything in the whole world irritates you.
P: That's because of my Aspergers.
M: I know. I'm just not sure how to make that better right now.
P: Well you need to figure something out because everything you do just makes my life harder.
M: (involuntarily laughs in disbelief)
P: Well that was rude.
M: I'm sorry Paris. I don't know what to say. Everything I do is to try and make your life better.
P: Well you need to try harder.


And then this morning we had another one - this one I could at least find the humor in...............

Paris is sitting on my bed while I rummage in my closet to find some comfy clothes for the day. Briley our big dog is with P.

P: Ha! Briley is putting her bottom in my face. Why would she do that?
M: (feeling happy, well-rested and a little silly) Maybe she thought you'd like how it smells.
P: Well it doesn't smell good. It smells like a bottom.
(she now follows me into the bathroom where I'm about to get dressed)
M: What does a bottom smell like?
P: Well, I don't exaclty know.

here comes the misstep again...........

M:(as I bend over pointing my bum towards her) Here, smell mine.
P: No! Um, I think this is rude, but...your bottom is (pause) F-A-T.
M: (trying desperately to keep a poker face) Yes, that is rude. Get out.
P: (as she leaves the bathroom) I thought that was rude.

Sigh.........................