Ol' Army has invaded my house. Sweet Vivian who we thought would just NEVER crawl has mastered forward movement. Between the good ol' army crawl, an occaisional inch worm, and lots of log rolls she can move faster than I can keep up. So, she got introduced to the playpen a few days ago. She didn't particularly care for it, but she's learning to tolerate it in small doses. She is very intent on getting a hold of things that aren't hers and eating them. Things like Tripp's v-day card from Nana, leaves off of my one live plant, dust bunnies, and any other small thing she can get her chubby little hands on.
On another note, Paris has been sick. I thought we had avoided that illness that has been plauging her classroom at school. I thought wrong. She has one nasty cough and a low grade fever. After consulting several other mommies I decided it was worth the $30 co-pay to verify that she didn't need any antibiotics and get the blessed cough syrup. Indeed, all it takes is one dose and the cough quiets down as my sweet baby girl drift off to dream land. Don't get me wrong, I'm not normally one of those moms who enjoys medicating a child, but this stuff is amazing. She's actually napping.
And now the quandry.........what to do, what to do. Here's the situation: Vivian still nurses. I've nursed her longer than either of the other babies. I really decided at about 4 months that it was going so well and it is so, um, FREE that I would just nurse her to a year and then go to milk and skip the whole formula thing we did with the other kids. So, I've got about 2.5 months to go and I think I'm done. See, I'm going to be out of town for two weekends in a row in the middle of March. The pedi said I couldn't put her on milk yet since she's on the little end of all those growth charts so I started trying to pump after not pumping since before Thanksgiving and I got nothin'. (that was a really long sentence) I'm taking theses herbal supplements now and they are helping some, but there is NO WAY I will have enough milk for her for two weekends in a row. In addition to this problem, she will not drink my milk out of anything but me. No bottle, no cup, no nothin', Add all this to the fact that she has taken to turning over on her belly while she nurses and sort of arching her little back so she's nursing and looking at me at the same time. She does this catch and release thing that makes me feel more like a water fountain than a mom and in truth when she does that it just feels WEIRD. And lastly, after 9.5 months she has finally cut a tooth (that would be the teeth from the title). This explains why the nibbling she does on occasion while nursing has suddenly started hurting more. All of this has me thinking that two month's worth of formula isn't that big of an expense. And I would sure love to spend an evening alone with my hubby that doesn't end with me getting back out of bed to go nurse the baby one last time before we go to sleep. ( I apologize if that's too much info, but it's all part of the issue at hand.)
So, - that's what the bulk of me is saying and feeling. Then there's this small part going "But you got this far, why give up now?" I think part of me feels like I might be failing if I quit. Like I just didn't have what it took to do the best thing for my kiddo. So I keep getting up every day and continuing on while wondering if it's really worth it and exactly how we're going to get through those two weekends in March.
OK, that's enough for today. I'm going to rest while all the kids are resting. Hope your Thursdays are going well!